Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I wonder.....

Wow, I cannot believe how long its been since I actually posted on my blog. Time does fly by when you are having fun. Yes its true, this past month has been a very fun month. I have spent lots of time scrapbooking with my friends and remodeling my house. We have finally got my living room painted. Its the most amazing brown color. I love it. Everyone that sees it ask me if I like how dark the room is now. My answer to that is "Yes" I love the dark room. Its so much more cozy and cool. If I want light, all I have to do is open up my big ole window and I have tons of light. Otherwise, I have lots of dark. Its awesome. When I get it completed, I will share photos. We are painting doors and trim right now and adding the little touches. We are also going to be building a entertainment center which will be attached to the wall. So lots to do yet before its completed. It is painted though and that is a major accomplishment.

As for my scrapbook life. It could not be better. I just came home from a 3 day retreat with my BFF's. We had so much fun. We went to a place called the http://www.leretreathouse.com/ LeRetreat house and just let me tell you how wonderful that place was. We arrived on Friday morning and had the entire house to ourselves for the entire 3 days. Its not a bed and breakfast where you have to share the space with other guest. Its a place you rent and you are the only ones there the whole time. LOVED IT!!! We loved it so much, that we have already booked another weekend in September. I am already counting down the days. I cannot think of anything travel wise that I love more, than going off somewhere and spending the entire weekend with my girlfriends. Its just a amazing and fun experience. Its even better when you have a group of friends that all jive well together. There was 11 of us there and we all just blended so well together. Like peanut butter and jelly. Here is our group photo.

I am so happy to have this picture. Every person in this picture is truly a blessing to my life. I love them all!!! ALL!!!

Yesterday was just one of those days. The only thing good I can think of about the entire day was that one of my friends made it through her gallbladder surgery (Praises to God) and the other was that I got to go shopping for some new makeup. I have not done that in a long time. I was needing a change in makeup brand and I was needing some new facial day and night creams. I sell Avon and I have always loved and used it, but I was wanting to try the new Revlon Age Defying brand. I have heard lots of good things about it and thought I needed a change for a while. My skin is looking so drab by lately. Anyways, I spent 125.00 on face products. Is that not sad or what. LOL!!!! I got it all covered though. I even bought me a hair waxing kit. I have been noticing these fuzzy little hairs on my chin and all I can say about that is ICK!!!! Whats up with that!!! I guess its those lovely women hormones that cause strange hairs to appear in places never before. Thank goodness for products that rid the face of these sort of hairs. I am thinking it will probably be painful, but I would rather have the pain than to have the hairs. Anyways, back to my day. So besides those 2 things, the rest of the day was crappy. My FIL and my husband got into another one of there huge fights. This one was worse than the last one they had and I do believe this time the old man has "screwed the pooch!!!" in other words he has really messed up this time. Believe it or not but the fight started over a Rainbow vacuum cleaner. 2 years ago my MIL bought a 2000.00 Rainbow vacuum. One of my most favorite vacuums ever. At the time she bought it, she shared with me that one day she would give it to me to have. What a exciting gesture on her part. I would have loved to have such a nice vacuum. Anyway, I was over at his house a few weeks ago and I ask him if I could just USE the vacuum. That it set in the closet and was not being used and I told him I would love to use it and do some spring cleaning with it. I had told him how Mom had told me one day it would be my vacuum. He of course growled at me for saying that, but did say it was ok for me to keep it at my house and use it as long as I would come over on occasion and vacuum under his bed ect.... I agreed to that and took the vacuum home. Well yesterday he came over and for some unknown reason demanded me to give him back the vacuum. When I ask him why he had changed his mind about me using it, he became very mad and yelled at me that he could change his mind if he wanted and it was not my business to ask him why. I said "Fine" and slammed the door in his face. When my husband came home, he took the hoses that I could not find at the time over to him. He simply ask the same question as to why he changed his mind. At the time he was eating and when my husband ask him that question, he started yelling and spitting his food all over my husband. Then he told him to get out of his house and off his property and not to come back. That's when all HE double LL broke out. I heard this yelling from inside my house and ran out on the porch only to hear my husband call him a "b" word and then his so called dad telling him he was the "b" word cause he was the one without a father. I nearly fainted when I heard that. See my husband was adopted at birth from this crazy old loon and this would be the second time he has said something awful like that. So my husband turned around and said that is right, I do not have parents. I am a "b" word. And then he came over to our house, which is next door and he said something else to my husband and he turned around and screamed for all the neighbors to hear "F You". I nearly fainted again of course looking around to see who had witnessed such a seen. Lucky no one was outside. What a mess this old man has gotten himself into. He just does not realize how much he needs my husband in his life. He is 84 years old and can hardly do anything for himself. After yesterday and what he said, my husband is disowning him. He said if he could afford to do it, he would legally have all of our last names changed and we would move from this house. He says he wants nothing to do with the old man ever again. He is not his dad. He is not even a sperm doner. He is nothing. Just someone who unwillingly agreed 44 years ago to adopt him. That's it!!! He has never provided a loving home and never been a loving father. He said growing up, he has no single good memory of time spent with him. He only remembers how his adopted mother was great to him. He said he forgave him last time because of his mother, but his mother is no longer here and he is not letting this go this time. He is done. My heart is very sad for him right now. How terrible that must feel not to know who your real father was or ever feel like you had a real father. Whats even more sadder is that his real father never even knew about him. His biological mother had him and his biological father never even knew about him. He was supposedly some sailor who had come in on a leave and they met and where together for a while and then he left back out and who knows from that point where he went. I wish, I wish, my husband could find his real parents. They were so young when all that happened. I think his biological mother was only 17 or so when she had him. Very young. Well anyway, I am thankful he was adopted and I am thankful he had a loving adopted mother who taught him to love. Cause he is the most loving and giving man for having such a awful adopted father to raise him. It proves to me that he never was around much and that his adopted mother truly was the one who raised him and taught him everything. I am so very thankful for her and what she did for him and how she raised him to the man he is today. I could not ask for a better husband. He is very loyal and loving and he is the most awesome father to his children. If my MIL had not adopted him, I may have never met him. So please pray that my DH can find peace in his heart about the man next door and that we are able to go on with our lives without any more stress or painful words being said. Its hurtful to let your anger get the best of you. As Christan's we know when we do wrong, but because we are humans we do wrong and then have great regreat and sorrow, because we are Christan's and we should no better. Its hard to be a good loving Christian in this world. Someone is always putting us to the test. To stay in control of our hurtful feelings and not lash out at those that hurt us, to love people for who they are and except and to forgive when they hurt us and not try to hurt back. I know its hard for me anyway. I really struggle with this and its hard for me to give him good advice on this situation. I do not blame him for how he feels and certainly do not encourage him to let it go. I have always lived by the phrase "Hurt me once, shame on you" Hurt me twice, shame on me" I think it must be my southern upbringing that makes me so stubborn and strong willed. I spend most of my time hoping for forgiveness from our Father above for what I do wrong here. I just pray that God see's what a awful man he is to his son and understands my husbands actions and forgives him for his and gives him peace in his heart about this situation. It breaks my heart to see him hurting and I know he is really hurt after the words exchanged yesterday. I think he is more angry at himself for letting that old man who means nothing to him, get the best of him. My husband is one of the most easy going souls I know. For him to lash back is very strange. He has never been one to do that. That tells me he is really hurting. Being angry only hurts ourselves more than it hurts the other person. We know this, but yet its hard to let go of the anger. I pray he is able to do that. I think it would be easier if we could move from this house. I really do pray something comes along that will be able to remove us from this house. There are just to many bad memories attached. I love this house and it is perfect for us and we are finally getting it fixed up the way we want. But I feel like there is something else out there for us. I do not feel like this is the place we will grow old. I feel like we moved here for a reason and now that reason passed away in Febuary and our time is done here. Its time to move forward. Now we are just waiting to see whats next.... I wonder!!!!

No comments: